Reasons I'll Never Win a Mother of the Year Award

1. I let the dog clean up Ladybug's high chair. Hey, it saves on dog food!

2. I sometime require a cold and frosty adult beverage to make it through animal hour, 5 pm-bedtime.

3. I often forget to change Ladybug's diaper for hours on end and only realize it when her sodden diaper literally falls off her under its own weight.

4. Vegetables? My kids don't need no stinkin' vegetables.

5. My kids are more apt to hear The Rolling Stones in my car then the Wiggles.

6. I spend so much time on my computer that, when we tried told my son that angels tell us God's messages, he said, "In email, Mommy?"

7. Occasionally I have the thought that if I leave when my husband gets home, I could be at the beach in 6 hours.

8. My psychiatrist has insisted I remain on birth control. I quote, "The last thing you need right now is to have another child."

9. I figure PB and J hits all the major food groups.

10. I like to watch The Girls Next Door and fantasize about leaving all this behind and becoming a playboy bunny. Heck, they can airbrush anything, right?